The Vagabond
Ethan Homeyer
Character List
MAN - A gruff, tattered-looking young man. He’s 31 years old. He is wearing a weathered suit jacket with a dirty button-down underneath. His tie is navy blue with some red splotches on it. His black slacks are torn and roughed up. He is also wearing old Nike sneakers.
WOMAN – A middle school teacher. She’s wearing a long floral dress with a leather jacket over it. The majority of the flowers on her dress should be violet and red. She’s 35 years old but looks young for her age.
BARTENDER - A Bartender. Anyone could play this character regardless of age (within reason), race, ethnicity, gender, etc.
Time
Present
A Friday morning around 1:30 a.m.
Place
A small, nearly empty bar in a small town in Kentucky.
(Music Cue: “Hotel California” by The Eagles
Lights Up.
A small bar [slightly off-center stage, angled towards the audience]. It’s late; the bar is almost empty. A man sits at the bar, nursing a glass of whiskey [or some form of hard liquor]. On the floor next to him are a guitar case and a large duffel bag. Behind the bar, the bartender is cleaning up, not paying much attention to him. Behind the bartender, there should be a shelf full of liquor. Possibly a neon sign that says “Budweiser” or something of that sort.
The man should be whistling, humming, or lighting tapping his fingers. He might be wearing a cheap suit or something else that gives a false impression of class.
A young woman comes up to the bar. She’s in semi-formal attire. Nothing fancy, but not casual. She looks at the bartender, who is too engrossed in cleaning up that they don’t notice her. She coughs lightly to get their attention.)
Woman: Um…Excuse me. Could I get a…
Bartender: [without stopping cleaning] I’m cleaning up, ma’am. We close in about a half hour. If you want a drink, you should have gotten one earlier; we’ve been open since 11 this morning.
Woman: Oh, that’s ok. I just wanted a small water and a Coke.
Bartender: [scoffs] Alright.
[The bartender stops what they’re doing to get her a Coke and a water. They hand them to her.]
Woman: Thank you.
Bartender: No problem, that’ll be $3.89.
Woman: $3.89! I thought it was only $2.15
Bartender: [dry look] Late-night tax.
Woman: What?! That’s…
Man: I got it. (Pulls out a $5 bill and hands it to the Bartender) Here you go, bud.
[The Bartender takes the money without saying anything. They then take a tray with glasses and heads off stage right, presumably to finish cleaning them.]
Woman: [to the man] Thank you.
Man: Don’t mention it.
Woman: I have the money; I just thought he was being ridiculous.
Man: Like I said, don’t mention it.
[Beat—a brief moment of silence. The man continues to sip his drink. The woman sits down two stools over from him. She just stares at her drinks awkwardly.]
Woman: [Desperate to break the silence] So … uh. I saw you play tonight. You’re really good.
Man: Thanks; I’m glad someone liked it.
Woman: What do you mean? I thought everyone was enjoying it.
Man: Sorry, it’s hard to tell with all the crickets chirping.
Woman: Seriously! We don’t get a lot of original artists around here. It was something new. I definitely enjoyed it.
Man: My songs aren’t exactly happy.
Woman: So? They don’t have to be. I still really liked them even though they weren’t happy. I don’t know. They made me feel connected to something. Something important. (Beat) Or maybe it’s just me.
[Silence]
Woman: You know, I’ve never seen you around before.
Man: Nope.
Woman: I guess you’re not from around here then?
Man: Nope.
[Short awkward pause. She is desperately trying to make conversation]
Woman: You traveling?
Man: Yep.
Woman: Nice. You staying long then?
Man: Nope.
Woman: [slightly annoyed] You’re very articulate, you know.
Man: [with a smile on his face] Nope.
Woman: I see… Well, I’m just trying to make conversation.
Man: I know. You’re doing a great job. I’m at the edge of my seat.
Woman: You’re the one only giving one-word responses.
Man: Your questions only require one-word responses. I’m just being efficient.
Woman: Guess I can’t argue with that.
Man: [Smirks] Nope.
Woman: Ok, well then, what would you suggest I ask to spark a conversation with the mysterious stranger?
Man: I don’t know. Why are you here?
Woman: Ok. Why are you here?
Man: I asked you first.
Woman: Fair enough. Very mature, by the way.
Man: Thank you. [Pause] So why are you here?
Woman: What? At the bar late at night sitting next to you, or here in this small town that could be confused as a large truck stop?
Man: Both, I suppose.
Woman: Alright. But then you’ve got to tell me what it is you’re doing here.
Man: Sure thing.
Woman: Ok. [Takes a moment] [Beat] Well, I live one town over. I’ve lived there almost my entire life. I grew up there, and now I’m living and working there.
Man: What do you do?
Woman: Huh?
Man: What are you doing for work?
Woman: Oh, I’m actually a teacher at the local school.
Man: Really? What do you teach?
Woman: 8th grade English and History.
Man: [sarcastically] Wow, two whole subjects. Impressive.
Woman: [ignoring his sarcastic tone] Not really. It’s not exactly what I want to do with my life. It’s more of a job to make ends meet.
Man: How do you accidentally become a teacher?
Woman: You know... it happens...
Man: If you say so.
Woman: Look, all I’m saying is things didn’t work out exactly how I wanted them to.
Man: And so that’s why you’re here. At the bar? On a Thursday night.
Woman: Not exactly. [Long, uncomfortable silence] I enjoy my job. The kids are sweet, mostly. When they want to be. It’s a small school, so you get to know the kids fairly well. [Takes a long sip of her Coke] And by the way, I am aware it’s a Thursday night. Hence the water and Coke. What do you think is going to happen? Am I going to do a shift at school tomorrow with a sugar high?
Man: I was more referring to the fact that it’s almost 2 a.m.
Woman: I actually have tomorrow off. A sub is coming in for me. But just in case they need me last-minute [gestures to her soda and water].
Man: Vacation time. You must be excited.
[The woman looks at the alcohol behind the bar for two beats and takes another sip of Coke]
Woman: So, what about you, huh? What are you doing here?
Man: I’m just here to play my music.
Woman: Uh-huh. Right. You came to this “world-famous” Kentucky bar called “The Grumpy Gopher’s Beer Shack” just to play your music?
Man: Yep, pretty much.
Woman: How come I’m not buying it?
Man: You don’t want me to answer that question. [Beat]
Woman: What’s that supposed to mean?
Man: [regretting his statement] Uh…Nothing. Just forget about it.
Woman: No, really! What did you mean?
[Pause]
Man: [sighs] I’ve seen people like you before. Gossiping about everyone’s business just to have something to do. Either that or they want something from you. A favor or whatnot. Maybe money. So, let me ask you [sips his whiskey], what is it you want from me?
Woman: [Dumbfounded] Oh, I see. I’m sorry to disturb you; you’re obviously in great company. [Gets up to leave] [To the Man] Did you ever consider what I wanted was a friend? I heard your songs. You’re right; they aren’t happy. They’re depressing as shit. So, I thought that maybe you could use a friend too. I was obviously mistaken. [Starts to leave]
Man: [Right when she’s about to walk out the door] Wait!
[She stops but does not turn around.]
Man: I’m sorry I snapped at you. I’m just not used to people actually wanting to talk to me to get to know me. I’ve been screwed over so many times I…[Beat] Can I buy you a drink?
Woman: [Turns around and walks back to the bar] No. What you can do is share the drinks we already have and talk.
Man: Deal.
Woman: Good. So why are you really here?
Man: I wasn’t completely lying when I said I came just to play my music. This is more of just a short stop, so I might as well play while I’m here. I was here early afternoon and talked with the owner of the bar. He’s a nice enough guy. Said he’d let me play tonight, and I get to keep whatever tips I get.
Woman: A good haul tonight?
[The man bends down and opens his guitar case, shifting through his tips.]
Man: For a small town like this on a Thursday night, yeah. I think I got like $30 after I paid for our drinks.
Woman: I wouldn’t say that’s a good amount, but I have no point of reference to judge off of.
Man: Neither do I.
Woman: So, you said this is just a stop? Where are you headed off to?
Man: West.
Woman: Just west?
Man: Pretty much.
Woman: I think you have a very broad sense of direction.
Man: No, I just don’t have any set destination. I’m just kinda… going.
Woman: Wherever the wind takes you, huh?
Man: More or less. As long as it takes me.
Woman: I see. Do you have a job or something to earn gas money and food?
Man: I play bars, like this one. I live off tips. Sometimes the manager will give me a little something if I bring in a large crowd. Or they at least pay for my dinner.
Woman: Oh.
Man: And I don’t pay for gas. I don’t even have a car.
Woman: So how do you plan to get to wherever you're going?
Man: Walk. Hitch rides with people. You might be surprised, but I’ve already been to three states in as many days. All I own is my guitar, a duffel bag full of clothes, and a toothbrush and toothpaste. So I travel light.
Woman: Sounds like an exciting life.
[Note: The slash / signifies the point where the characters talk over each other.]
Man: It is, and it isn’t. It’s lonely more than anything. Sometimes, I think it’s better that way.
Woman: / I bet. Oh, I’m sorry
Man: It’s ok. It’s my choice.
[Pause]
Woman: [Processing and wanting answers] Why is this the life you chose? Why are you traveling somewhat aimlessly? What is–
Man: Whoa, that’s a lot of questions at once.
Woman: I have a lot of questions. The more you tell me, the more things don’t add up.
Man: Things don’t exactly add up for your story either, you know.
Woman: What do you mean?
Man: You’re a teacher who never wanted to be a teacher. You’ve been living in the same town for basically your entire life; even though you’ve made it obvious, it’s not your favorite place to be based on how you’ve described it. And even though you are a teacher, you spend your Thursday nights at a bar, by yourself, till two in the morning, yet you never take a single sip of alcohol. I’m sorry, but your story is as clear as mother’s milk.
[Silence]
[The woman doesn’t respond. She just stares at her Coke and Water in silence, a blank look on her face. Bartender walks back in and checks the time. Exasperated that it isn’t closing time yet, they roll their eyes and picks up a glass to clean it, knowing the stereotype.]
Woman: [Noticing the bartender] I’ll have a whiskey on the rocks. Make it a double. [Before the bartender could protest, she pulls out a $20 bill] Keep the change.
[Bartender shrugs and takes the 20 and pours her a double. They leave again.]
Man: [after witnessing this] Where was that before?
Woman: [gulps down half the first glass] The 20 or the two glasses of sunshine?
Man: I will say you have not failed to surprise me.
Woman: Then don’t judge a person before you get to know them.
Man: Touché.
Man: [Finishes whiskey] Isn’t that why we’re still here, to get to know each other?
Woman: I don’t know; you were pretty apprehensive about it before.
Man: Maybe I’ve had a change of heart?
[Short pause]
Woman: [Tactfully] That last song you played, what was it called again?
Man: “The Vagabond.”
Woman: [Thoughtfully] “The Vagabond.” Catchy name.
Man: Thanks.
Woman: What inspired you to write that song?
Man: If it’s not already obvious, it’s about me and my life. At least for the past few months of my life.
Woman: So, you’re saying you’re a modern-day vagabond?
Man: Only way I can think of describing it.
Woman: Who were you before?
Man: [laughs quietly to himself] Believe it is not, I was an IT guy at a computer company on the east coast...
Woman: Wow! I was not expecting that! You don’t exactly look like the geek type.
Man: Thanks, I think. I was also writing music on the side, but nothing very good. Even still, I had a good life. Making a decent amount of money, a nice apartment. Things were good.
Woman: What made you leave?
Man: After being there for a while, I met this girl. She was at one of the bars I was playing at all the time. She came up to me after the set to ask about some of the songs. We kinda hit it off. I walked her home that night.
Woman: Nice!
Man: She came several nights in a row. Then Sunday night came. Smaller crowd, which was to be expected. I wasn’t expecting to see her there again. And yet there she was. Same thing as all the other nights, only this time I didn’t leave after dropping her off.
Woman: You fucked?
Man: For a middle school teacher, you’re not very subtle.
Woman: [with a smile] You’d be surprised.
Man: I can see that. And, yes, we had sex.
Woman: Well, that’s all good and great, but what does that have to do with you leaving your job to travel? Seems like you’d want to stay after that.
Man: I did. Soon we started dating. I got promoted at work and was making even better money, so I would treat her on occasion.
Woman: That’s really nice.
Man: It was. [Silence]
Woman: What happened?
Man: Several months after we started dating, she told me she was pregnant.
Woman: Oh wow!
Man: I felt so many emotions that day. We learned she was having a little girl. I couldn’t tell you how happy I was. [Looks over at one of her drinks]. Can I have one of those?
Woman: Um...sure. [Hands him the full glass of whiskey]
Man: Thanks [takes a long sip]. One day when she was about 8 ½ months along, I had to work late. There was an emergency at work, and they needed me to help fix it.
Woman: Sounds intense
Man: Yeah...but at some point, I got a call. [Pause] She needed me to come to drive her to the hospital. Without thinking, I immediately hung up and ran to the door. I was stopped by my boss. He basically said if I leave now, I’m fired. So, I left.
Woman: Gutsy.
Man: I had no other choice in my mind. So, I rushed home to get her. When I got there, she was passed out. I carried her to the car and started speeding to the hospital. The lights of the city were passing by so fast. At some point, she must have woken up because she started screaming. Unlike anything, I’ve ever heard before. It freaked me out so much that I panicked, and I...
[Sound cue: car crashing]
Woman: What happened?
[Silence. You could hear a pin drop. The man stares off at nothing.]
Man: It doesn’t matter... Since then, I’ve... I’ve just been walking. I just kept going. [Beat] I’m still going.
Woman: [In shock. Tries to comfort him but realizes there’s really nothing she can do to make it better.] I’m sorry…
Man: [Blank face, nothing]
[A moment. Neither of them knows what to say. Finally, the woman makes a decision.]
Woman: [Looks at the clock] It’s officially my baby’s birthday. That’s why I’m here.
Man: [Still in shock that he shared that] Yeah?
Woman: When I was a teenager, I wrote a lot of short stories. My English teacher at the time was very helpful. I really admired him and was so grateful for his help. One day he suggested I come over to his place to work. My home life was shit, so I didn’t see a reason why not. I should have been smarter than that. [Nervous chuckle] Turns out, he wasn’t very helpful at all.
Man: Oh...
Woman: I was afraid to say anything. Eventually, my parents found out what was going on, and they took him away. All I wanted was to forget that ever happened…. [A moment] Then I found out I was pregnant.
Man: Oh my god!
Woman: I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want this reminder of what he did to me, but this was also my child. I struggled for months, trying to figure out what to do. Everyone was understanding, but they never looked at me in the same way. My parents, well, had their own issues to deal with. I gave birth to a baby boy at 1:52 a.m. on Sept. 23rd. I decided to give him up for adoption. I couldn’t see him every day and think… I love him, but…
Man: It’s ok.
Woman: I haven’t seen him since the day he was born. But every day, I pray that he’s ok.
Man: I’m so sorry. That’s…
Woman: It’s ok. That’s why I wanted to be a teacher, strangely enough. I don’t think I’d ever be able to have another kid, but being a teacher is the closest I can get to being a mother. [Pause]. So, on his birthday every year, I take the day off. I just need that day to myself. And I come here and give a silent toast to my baby boy in hopes he knows I love him. [She can’t hold on anymore. She starts to cry.]
Man: [Tries to comfort her but doesn’t know what to do. Eventually taps her on her shoulder and hands her glass of sunshine over. A toast] To your baby boy.
Woman: [Looks up] And to your girlfriend and baby girl.
Man: To being damaged.
Woman: But not broken.
[They drink. They set their glasses down. They lock eyes. This is the first time they really make significant eye contact with each other, or really anyone in a long time. Nothing else is said. A mutual understanding of each other is reached.
The Bartender comes back in to kick them out, but they both get up before he can say anything. The woman grabs her coat and walks out the door, but before completely leaving, looking back at the man. A look of understanding. She leaves. The man then looks at the bartender, tips his hat to him, and leaves another $5 on the table. He collects his stuff and leaves as well.
The bartender collects the money, looks at the clock, grabs his keys and coat, and leaves.
Lights fade on an empty bar.]
A b o u t
Ethan Homeyer is a senior undergraduate student at Eastern Illinois University, studying Psychology with a minor in Theatre. He will be attending the School Counseling graduate program at Eastern starting in May. He has performed in several productions including As You Like It, Mr. Marmalade, and All In The Timing. The Vagabond is Ethan’s first script, with more to follow.